Cinemavenger
The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.
What Love Looks Like
If you've ever tried to write a screenplay or make a movie and totally failed at it, then Alex Magana is better than you. That's because Magana has finished multiple screenplays and made two movies I've actually seen, 29 to Life, and What Love Looks Like (currently available on Amazon Prime Video), with his two little hands.
That's a celebrity threesome amazing accomplishment! Don't get me wrong, both of Magana's rom-coms will have you questioning whether he's actually a Data-like android incapable of believably mimicking the emotions associated with love or humor let alone understanding them. But at least he did what 98% of all people who say they're going to write a screenplay never do . . . finish a fucking screenplay.
Maybe that accomplishment has gone to Magana's head? How else can you explain why he didn't take ol' Cinemavenger up on his offer (in the 29 to Life review) to act as a script doctor for his next project? Pride goeth before the fall, motherfucker. 29 to Life was none too perfect, but it's When Harry Met Sally compared to What Love Looks Like. To paraphrase Black Flag, "Regression! Gotta break free!"
Despite what most politicians and all two-year-olds think, screaming that something's true doesn't actually make it so. Magana describes What Love Looks Like as consisting of five "interwoven" stories. That's a bunch of bullshit! Characters from totally unconnected stories stumbling through a public park at different times and having zero impact - even butterfly effect style - on each other does not interweave their goddam stories.
And the stories themselves?
- Boy falls instantly in love with girl and cute-stalks her to Europe the next fucking day.
- Boy and girl have awkward Tinder hookup then "match" anonymously on a different dating app., and hilarity does not ensue.
- Boy is addicted to phone, so girl peaces out.
- Painfully shy boy (emphasis on painful) nearly kills himself trying to ask painfully boring girl (again, painful) out on a date.
- Boy's dead wife tells him to get that dick wet, yo!
Real talk, Alex, you hopefully not android fuck. Those descriptions are funnier than anything that actually happens in your movie. The script doctor offer still stands. With my help, your next film could double your viewing audience. And those 26 people better watch the fuck out!
January 31, 2020