Cinemavenger

   The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.

Venom

Sing this review to the tune of Bell Biv DeVoe's 1990 hit, "Poison."  Click HERE for the video (remember videos?) if you need a refresher.

Yo, I must warn you,
Venom is a waste of your time.
Situation's hilarious,
They fucked this shit up worse than this rhyme.

From the first trailer,
You knew Venom would suck doggie balls.
And guess what buddy?
It'll have you clawing at the theater's walls.

It's drivin' me out of my mind!
What, was the director fucking blind?
Wish I could get it out of my head!
Hate it, loathe it, fuck it!

This movie's poison,
Never trust PG-13 and a smile.
This movie's poison,
POISON!  POISON!!  POISON!!

If I were you I'd take precautions,
Like seeing something else instead.
Sure, it's got Tom Hardy,
But I bet right now he'd rather be dead.

It's got no Spider-Man,
'cuz licensing rights are a bitch.
Horror/comedy/love story,
That's only here to make Sony rich.

The "special" FX are what you might call slow,
Which means that the CGI really blows.
Heads get bitten off with no blood so,
You can guess how the rest of this song's gonna go.

It's drivin' me out of my mind!
What, was the director fucking blind?
Wish I could get it out of my head!
Hate it, loathe it, fuck it!

This movie's poison,
Never trust PG-13 and a smile.
This movie's poison,
POISON!  POISON!!  POISON!!
POISON!  POISON!!  POISON!!

October 5, 2018