Cinemavenger
The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.
Us
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. To put that in Cinemavengerese, in the land of the dumb cunts, the ever-so-slightly-less-dumb cunt is king. Right now in Hollywood, that cunt is Jordan "Sex A" Peele.
After cutting his teeth on the overrated sketch comedy show Mad TV, Peele and another Mad TV alum, Keegan-Michael "Skeleton" Key, created and starred in their own overrated show, Key & Peele. Peele went on to write and direct one of the most overrated movies of 2017, Get Out.
Are you sensing a trend? Because you should be, you dumb cunt.
People went frothy bonkers for Get Out mostly because it was a horror movie that also said something about race and racism in today's America. No one was quite sure what, exactly, Get Out was saying, but that it tried to say anything at all was enough to win Peele an Oscar.
Like rats in a Skinner box madly pushing a lever to get more cocaine, audiences couldn't wait for Peele's next flick, Us. Is Us the most overrated thing Peele has done? You bet your (insert skin color here) ass it is. Will that matter to all the dumbest cunts who want to feel like smart cunts for a few hours? Not a cunt hair.
Us follows the Wilson family on its summer vacation to the beach. Walking dad joke Gabe (Winston "Braaaiins" Duke), twitchy mom Adelaide (Lupita "Bing'o" Nyong'o), teen daughter Zora (Shahadi "Ain't No" Wright), and perpetually mask-wearing son Jason (Evan "Never Trust Anyone With Two First Names" Alex) are minding their own business when four strangers who look exactly like them - and are played by the same actors - invade their vacation home and terrorize them.
Who are these doppelgagers, and why do they want to kill the Wilsons? What does it all have to do with a vast network of hidden tunnels beneath the U.S., Hands Across America, and societal disenfranchisement? For that matter, where did the diabolical doubles get matching red jumpsuits, fingerless gloves, and oversized scissors?
If Peele can't be bothered to answer any of those questions, then Cinemavenger sure as fuck can't be either. Us may make dumb cunts feel like their brains have been roused from reality TV slumber, but that doesn't make it any less of a shit film.
Honestly, it might make it more of one.
March 29, 2019